Post by Skip on Oct 16, 2003 21:41:26 GMT -5
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's
hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since
he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and
he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under
trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the
woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man
can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he
sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone
is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a
beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints
his eyes and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks
and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that
time. I would be most gracious if I could have a
meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one
condition: You cannot mess around with my
granddaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying
"I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on
my way tomorrow morning"
The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but if I do catch
you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture
tests ever known to man."
"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the old house.
Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman
would live out in the wilderness all her life?
Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after
showering), he saw how beautiful the granddaughter
was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had
only been lost three weeks, it had been many, many
months without companionship. And the girl had only
seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and
well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each
other throughout the meal.
That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and
they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to
a minimum. The man crept back to his room later
that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture
tests would be worth it after that experience."
Well, the next morning the man awoke to find a heavy
weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was
this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a
sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 50 kg rock on
your chest".
"What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself
as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened
the shutter and threw the rock out.
On the backside of the rock is another sign saying
"2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to RIGHT
testicle."
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to
be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock.
Outside the window is a third sign saying
"3rd worst Chinese torture test: LEFT testicle tied to
bedpost."
hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since
he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and
he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under
trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the
woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man
can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he
sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone
is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a
beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints
his eyes and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks
and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that
time. I would be most gracious if I could have a
meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one
condition: You cannot mess around with my
granddaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying
"I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on
my way tomorrow morning"
The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but if I do catch
you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture
tests ever known to man."
"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the old house.
Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman
would live out in the wilderness all her life?
Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after
showering), he saw how beautiful the granddaughter
was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had
only been lost three weeks, it had been many, many
months without companionship. And the girl had only
seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and
well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each
other throughout the meal.
That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and
they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to
a minimum. The man crept back to his room later
that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture
tests would be worth it after that experience."
Well, the next morning the man awoke to find a heavy
weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was
this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a
sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 50 kg rock on
your chest".
"What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself
as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened
the shutter and threw the rock out.
On the backside of the rock is another sign saying
"2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to RIGHT
testicle."
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to
be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock.
Outside the window is a third sign saying
"3rd worst Chinese torture test: LEFT testicle tied to
bedpost."