Goldberg and the Pope

[Liad Bar-EL]

Goldberg was bragging to his boss one day, "You know,
I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone,
anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK,
Goldberg, how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Goldberg and his boss fly out to Hollywood and
knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom
Cruise, shouts, "Goldberg! Great to see you! You and
your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Goldberg's boss is still
skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells
Goldberg that he thinks Goldberg's knowing Cruise was
just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Goldberg says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes,"
Goldberg says, "I know him, let's fly out to
Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots
Goldberg on the tour and motions him and his boss
over, saying, "Goldberg, what a surprise, I was just
on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come
on in. Let's have a cup of coffee first, and catch up Well,
the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses
his doubts to Goldberg, who again implores him to name
anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Goldberg.
"I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Goldberg and his boss are
assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when
Goldberg says, "This will never work... I can't catch
the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what,
I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and
I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the
Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Goldberg
emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time
Goldberg returns, he finds that his boss has had a
heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working
his way to his boss's side, Goldberg asks him, "What
happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until
you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the
Japanese tourist next to me asked, 'Who's that on the
balcony with Goldberg?'"