Post by dizforprez on Oct 26, 2003 18:58:15 GMT -5
1. There is something I like about the clitoris, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
2. Next time they give you all that civic bullnuts about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election.
3. Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.
4. As long as you have decided to drink all day, there's nothing wrong with starting early in the morning.
5. If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
6. You know what we need? Black jell-o.
7. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
8. Have some fun: Walk into a gift shop and tell them you came in to get your gift.
9. How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
10. It takes two scales to find out how much a scale weighs.
11. Next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergymen's rate.
12. Suggestions I ignore: "George you go out and draw their fire, I'll sneak up on them from behind."
13. I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on screen.
14. Don't you think it's funny tht all these tough-guy boxers are fighting over a purse?
15. As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.
16. I think what the authorities need is a SQUAT team. Here is how it would work: a squad of heavily armed police break into the house and take a nuts in the living room.
17. If you listen to his voice carefully without looking at the screen, Ted koppel sounds like he is taking a nuts.
18. If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
19. Doctors treating a ninety-year-old prenant woman claim that because of her advanced age she will have a grown-up.
20. Although it is untrue that rubbing a toad causes warts, it does give the toad a hard-on.